Untitled

Audio

Tue, 06 Nov 2012 16:19:02 -0500

Audio

Sun, 04 Nov 2012 20:10:49 -0500

Every day all day , it’s musak!

Mon, 13 Aug 2012 21:36:19 -0400

Every day all day , it’s musak!

My backyard

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 21:23:24 -0400

My backyard

Runaway train I never wanted to be on

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 19:32:52 -0400

Runaway train I never wanted to be on

I don’t take shots in the dark, I am the shot in the dark. Targets ain’t got shit on me.

Wed, 07 Mar 2012 16:32:10 -0500

I don’t take shots in the dark, I am the shot in the dark. Targets ain’t got shit on me.

Photo

Mon, 05 Mar 2012 17:41:09 -0500

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHmkrkbqFJk&feature=email&email=comment_received

Mon, 05 Mar 2012 17:38:13 -0500

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHmkrkbqFJk&feature=email&email=comment_received

Kil The poet

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 14:18:05 -0500

Kil The poet

Come to my show!

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 08:58:19 -0500

http://www.facebook.com/events/277837308938314/?ref=ts

Without giving myself away, a few years ago I found myself at the campus Doctor’s office for a...

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 22:26:00 -0500

Without giving myself away, a few years ago I found myself at the campus Doctor’s office for a weekly check up. As I was getting my blood pressure taken she stops and describes my disease as the color blue. Its like constantly thinking of the color blue. What could be blue? What is blue? Always blue! I started to cry because finally someone understood and was able to put into words what I couldn’t. We could refer to that as my “blue” disorder.

That is a time in my life I don’t like to look back on because its a shadow that still lurks in the slightest slivers of my ribcage and I prefer to keep it at bay. However, there is another thing, another “blue” that consumes the forefront of my mind. I am forever narrating every brick and cloud and shadow and everything. I can’t stop. I hear music and even though I can’t sing to the melodies I hear, I can write to their rhythms. I just dream so hard. What is the difference between delusion and determination? There are just some things I can’t help, can’t compromise. There is a world out there that calls out to my heart like a trumpet to the dead. All my heart can do is peel itself backwards from the inside out blooming in its despair like a pomegranate that wishes to be a flower.

I dream of a stage and a microphone and my words. There is a yearning here. An ocean full of life I can’t understand but comes through me with words every day. Whether I write these words down or not they find their way back to me every day, in different forms of letters shaping into words. I am to be the transcriber, the middle man and I don’t it mind at all. There are things I desire just like everyone else. Why do some get to live out their dreams and others who don’t? Where is the line? How do I cross it?

There are some nights where you show up with a six-pack. You sip it slow hoping for a back porch...

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 21:23:00 -0500

There are some nights where you show up with a six-pack. You sip it slow hoping for a back porch when all you’ve got is a fire escape. A perfect visual to your life’s metaphor. Vodka sodas are effortless on both parts… Cheap and tasteless, not a drink you have to plan for. Then there are nights for a bottle of red wine, you pick the one with the most appealing label and grab whatever glass/mug is clean. Its clear sky nights like these that you and someone else can drink and watch the sky fall together.

The puppy and I sleeping

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 08:54:59 -0500

The puppy and I sleeping

Tweet Me

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 23:27:34 -0500

Tweet Me

My YouTube

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 23:26:38 -0500

My YouTube

Sam LaRoche Fan Page

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 23:25:08 -0500

Sam LaRoche Fan Page

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 23:18:59 -0500

haha, My fridge…

I am without Virgil

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 23:16:33 -0500

It is 5:30 in the morning cold, and dark. My body has just settled into a deep sleep and the alarm clock is going off. The previous hours were spent lying awake thinking about work. Thinking about the next few days how I will be pulling a triple. Working from sun up, and past sun down. I think to myself “God they’re going to make being fired really easy.” Under the winter moon I walk through the clear dark and the black snow. Gowanus is just as beautiful at 5:30 in the morning as it is at noon. I cross over a bridge, underneath sits still water that comes from nowhere and leads to the same exact place. A car with four lumber yard workers cuts in front of me. I pass a group of men loading caskets on to a truck from what I assume is the coffin factory. The only interaction I am yet to have is with the guy at the deli by the Union stop. I believe I stiffed him a dollar by accident, I ran out quickly to catch the train. I jump on to the R and did not notice until the train is above ground, its the D. I am now twenty minutes late to work.

As I begin to hate the world, the sun continues to set the stars on snooze over and over again until the sky is a soft blue. I realize I am not the only person awake. The self pity diminishes the will to survive kicks in. Pay rent, pay back loans, pay off the credit card that led me into debt while being unemployed, buy groceries, buy toilet paper (kidding we take toilet paper from work). You are not the only person who lives under this roof, surprisingly someone else needs this from you too. We all do it. We are set back again after the first of every month. We are not alone. Together but separately we live under the glamorous guise in the city. Bright lights, tall buildings, men in suits, women in fur coats. We are not these people. We are the people fixing your meals, shinning your shoes, getting you to and from work and home again. We are the ticking of the clock, setting the pace to move and go. There is no stopping, there is little sleep, little time to eat. Our days off are Tuesdays. Fridays and weekends don’t mean a thing.

It is 6:10 am, silent and empty. I had other plans and dreams for myself. Now at twenty five dreams vanish into a vicious cycle. Stuck on a hamster wheel, praying for a way out. We come to this city like sacrificial lambs. We gave ourselves up in good faith and in turn we have been swallowed. Some people make it, and the rest will struggle on. Living a vivid day dream in their head that some day things won’t be this hard. Only to wake to a harsh reality and you find yourself saying “Yes, ma’am right away.” Friends wonder how I work seven days a week and still don’t have any money? I wonder that too some times. Same as my parents wondering how come someone with a college degree isn’t able to get a regular salary paid job. No one seems to get it except for the people you work with. They understand the difficulty in salvaging self dignity while hands and knees wiping mayo off of someone’s shoe. I don’t have many years left of my youth but I will take the compliment when older adults call me a “baby”. I will drink without caution and not worry about a mortgage. I push dreams of weekend brunches and stability to the far end of my mind and only stay in the moment. If I continue to dwell on what seems so untouchable, that is when I find myself in the corner of the room seeking oxygen.

When I finally get to work I put my game face on. Smile joke and laugh. Find happiness in others company. There are bills to pay. Yet, still I am dreaming. Still I believe today is the day when all of this will change.

Photo

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 23:04:14 -0500